yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
