We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
