There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
