I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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