I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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