anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
