I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
