so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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