I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
