Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
