If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
