you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
