i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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