Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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