Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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