Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
