Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
