So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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