remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
