Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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