What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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