lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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