just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
