it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
