he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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