You can't motorboat a personality
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
