Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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