so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
