I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
