dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
