if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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