i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
