A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
