I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
