He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
