are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
