I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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