so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Lo siento on account of my penis...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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