been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
