Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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