Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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