The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
