mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
