It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
