I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
