I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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