Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
