hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
