I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
