And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
