I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
